Cry Me a River
by Saya Kurobara
Summary: Prussia has two secrets. And this is how she tells the world. PruAus and implied GerIta.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: There is mention of abuse.

It was raining hard that cold November Night, ice mixing in with the bitter cold rain. Two weeks had passed since the opening of borders between East and West, and having waited every day to see the person he hoped to see most, he needed a break. He had finally consigned himself that perhaps Prussia was still in the clutches of the Russian, in spite of the people's new found freedom. Ludwig had just settled in to read, when a knock came on the door. It was already nine pm and he wasn't expecting any visitors. But he wouldn't let anyone wait out in that weather.

"Coming!" He called out, taking his reading glasses off and walking carefully down the stairs. He always kept this home so Prussia would know where to go.

When he opened the door, he was absolutely shocked. She was dressed in the uniform of an East German soldier with her hand rubbing the back of her neck. "Hey West, I was wondering if I could stay with you awhile." The uniform cap obfuscated her features as she spoke softly, a small suitcase sitting at her feet.

"Preussen!" He exclaimed picking her up, excitedly. He was so happy to see his sister helping her into the house, setting her down to remove her cap. He stopped. Her already short hair was shorter than he remembered and a deep purple bruise surrounded her left eye. "Bruder…" It was a habit. A woman couldn't be a powerful empire. At least that's what all the male nations always said. And since she was a knight, she had to be male, right? Almost eight centuries Maria went by the name Gilbert as a shield hiding that she was a female. Only two people knew besides her little brother, her best friends- France and Spain and they kept the secret locked up tighter than a virgin in Vegas.

"Ja, West?" She hadn't realized how bad the last bruise that Russia would ever give her looked in the light. She noticed the way he looked at her. She had been trying so hard to be her old self. Her light demeanor that was always a mask she used to hide the pain as she pushed the other nations away. Her deep red eyes looked down. "Don't worry, Bruderlein. I will be okay."

He looked at his sister. "I readied your room for you as soon as they opened the borders. You're Welcome to stay as long as you want."

"Danke sehr, Ludwig. Do you have anything to eat and a beer?"

He nodded, some things didn't change. "There is wurst in the fridge and bier in the basement." He paused a moment. "Gil… Maria… are you okay? If he did this…"

"You'll do nothing about it. I fell on the way over here." She didn't want to admit that she had been dragged through hell, she didn't want her little brother, who always looked up to her, to know how badly she had fallen.

"I'm going to eat and then go to bed. It's been a very long day. You go to bed, Bruder. I will be fine."


	2. Chapter 2

_Lilac eyes looked down at her in disgust. "You really are a freak, Dovetchka…" He spat the last word at her, as the lead pipe landed across her face. "You had the whole world fooled. They'll find out soon enough." _

It was the last thing she had heard before she slipped into unconsciousness. He didn't want her once he realized that Gilbert Beilschmidt was not a male. It had taken him from 1947 when she agreed to go as his prisoner in both an act of love and anger towards her brother to a couple of weeks ago November of 1989.

Until that moment Ivan had treated her civilly, though it was a gilded cage.

She sat up in bed her heart pounding. The rain had stopped and the moon was still quite high. He was going to tell everyone at the next world meeting. She was nearly panicking, something had to be done. Her journal laid open as she had left it when she left.

**Awesome Journal- December 1, 1989**

**He's going to tell them. He's going to tell the world my secret. I have tried so hard to make sure they never found out the truth. Since 1190 I have succeeded just to have that unawesome Arschloch steal it away. **

**The World Meeting, my first formal one, as they started after the Berlin Airlift, will be on January 12. Maybe I should just show them myself. Wait- That would be an awesome idea! I will show them when **

**West and I announce that we plan on reunifying Deutschland! **

**I will ask France to help me act like a proper lady. He's been in enough of them. **(She laughed as she wrote this.) **Maybe we can surprise everyone.**

**You know, I wonder what Roddy would think. He turned me down once, when I told him. But then again at that time he thought I was a male. I bet he'll be surprised.**

**Anyways I'm going back to sleep.**

** -The Awesome Preussen**

Her brother was always up before her, except this morning. She was downstairs cooking breakfast when the blonde came down ready to complete his workout. "Guten Morgen, West."

He was surprised that she was up and she already did a lot, and was she actually in a skirt? She had them. He knew she would wear them when France or Spain picked her up to help her feel feminine. "Are you feeling alright, Bruder?"

She grinned and booped his nose as she looked at him. "I'm going to tell the world before he can."

"Was?!" He looked at her in utter confusion; especially considering she went to such lengths to hide.

"Russland said he was going to tell the world. We need to do it before he does. I am calling France so that he can help me practice being a lady." She began serving the eggs and bacon before pouring her coffee. "You should start calling me Schwester as well."

"Aber, Gilbert…"

She cut him off before he could continue. "You should also start calling by my real name… Maria." She would still end up answering to both. She had used Gilbert for so long after all. "It has to be me to tell them." She smiled and placed the plate in front of him.

-Meanwhile in Austria-

The brunette's violet eyes opened suddenly. He had been dreaming of the former nation again. It had become a regular occurrence ever since that night in 1918 when Gilbert drunkenly admitted his love.  
Being the religious nation that he was, he had trouble coming to terms with the attraction he felt toward the Prussian.

He was always reasonably sure that he was straight, and here he was dreaming about another man. He remembered how soft the albino's lips felt against his own during that drunken kiss- very unlike Spain's for throughout their brief, loveless marriage. Everything about the Prussian was different. He seemed more like Hungary than he did the other male nations. He had more grace and poise than most of the other male nations.

He couldn't get those ruby eyes and soft white hair out of his head. There was only one thing to do. He made his way down to his piano to think on this.


	3. Chapter 3

**DECEMBER 3**

"Non, my dear, contrary to proper belief, a lady crosses her legs at the ankles, not at the knees." Red eyes narrowed as she frowned. It had been merely forty-eight hours since she made the decision to do this and already France had told her she was doing everything wrong. (Then again most of her information was coming from old movies).

She corrected her position as he told her. "Is that better?"

She was quite grateful he had come. And that Germany had let him. She knew the two still had a tense relationship, and the secret fear that West had after his near death as Holy Rome at France's hands. Not that he remembered _why_ he feared the other nation.

"Oui, my dear. Now I know that you should remember how to walk in heels…"

She nodded, after all men wore them long before women did. "Natürlich, why wouldn't I?"

"Good that's the next step. We're going to take you shopping for a whole new wardrobe and you're going to practice wearing heels."

"Scheisse." She frowned "Can't I just wear my boots, they are way more awesome!"

"Non, non, non, Maria…" He had grown accustomed to calling her by her proper name. "And perhaps it's time you finally get your ears pierced."

"Nein, not going to happen." She shook her head.

"We'll see." His lips curved into a smirk as he sent her to get ready.

She winced slightly as she felt the pain in her ears. It definitely wasn't the worst pain she ever felt, but the fact that she was doing something she said she wouldn't do (Even after quoting the Biblical reason why) made this all that much worse. Not only had France convinced her to pierce her ears, but convinced her to get two in each ear, choosing onyx and ruby as the stones. "Your colors." He had said. Her next step was to get a few new skirts and a business appropriate dress for the meeting.

She rolled her eyes. She had always allowed France just to bring her female clothes, in whatever was the fashion of the day. But now she had to choose for herself.

She perused the racks of clothing in the clothing store frowning, until she found the perfect outfit for the meeting. She always preferred charcoal gray after Prussian blue of course, and on the rack was a beautiful charcoal gray pleated skirt with a matching suit jacket, a lovely balance of masculine and feminine, and the perfect outfit to tell the world her secret. After finding a few more 'cute' outfits, she slid into the dressing room to try everything on.

Francis had tried to push her to go to a proper place to have everything tailored just for her, but she wanted quick and simple. He was certainly impressed when she came out to show him the suit that she had chosen. "Mon Dieu, Maria." His eyes traveled from her eyes down to her curves. "If you and I were not best friends I would be inclined to pursue you, ma'ami."

"Danke, Francis." She rolled her eyes and went back to change into her original outfit.

**DECEMBER 6**

The Prussian was still asleep on the couch when her younger brother woke up. Just like so many years before, save the years she was under the Russian's watchful eye (Which she made sure either Hesse or Bavaria would do it in her stead) There were a couple of small gifts in her brother's combat boot.

She knew he was too old for Saint Nicholas Tag, but no matter how old he got she would still be Sanktiklass for her brother.

He covered her up to her shoulders as he started to check his boot. There was a cute little stuffed German shepherd (which he had a rather large collection of since she had given him quite a few), a package of gummy bears, a Mr. Potatohead, and a card indicating a subscription to some of the finest pornographic magazines money could buy.

**DECEMBER 24**

"Yes, West you are going to church with me this evening." She pouted, her hair had grown out a little bit and she almost looked like her old self, the bruise completely faded. "It's my first Christmas in over forty years."

"Fine, Fine, then I will have to have someone take care of dinner." He had problems saying no to his big sister.

"No you don't dinner is for tomorrow, and mass is only an hour." She tsked, as she left to go upstairs and change. She was going to go to church as her own sex. Being that she spent the last forty years as a communist state she didn't get to go to church at all. Ivan wouldn't have let her out of his sight during that time period.

She came down in a moderate length dress, taking her new faux fur coat off the hook. "Come on, West."

**DECEMBER 31**

It was almost midnight and France, Spain, and she had convinced Germany to go out to a New Year's party. "I bet you haven't done this in years." She laughed.

She grinned watching him interact with Italy. It was so cute. Of course, she knew that one was going to happen a long time ago, too bad only Italy suspected that her brother was his childhood crush. It made her feel so lonely.

"Amiga, if we hurry we could get midnight in all three of our nations." Spain laughed as he drank another glass of wine.  
"Non, we would have to drive way too fast."

She watched as the clock struck midnight and lifted her glass. "Prost!" She drank it down before putting a chaste kiss on her brother's cheek. "Happy New Year."

**JANUARY 11**

Tomorrow was the day. They had flown in to New York for the meeting in a special United Nations annex. She was a little nervous that she was going to be seeing all of the nations again. They had placed her and her brother in the same wing of the hotel as Russia and the Baltics. She was shaking like a leaf as her brother kept an arm around her as if guarding her from the Russian.

She took a deep breath as she flopped on the hotel room bed. "I don't think I can do this West. I can't face him."

"Don't worry. You can do this Br- Schwester."

**an:** Sorry this chapter is fluff. I really wanted glimpses of the relationships after all these years.


	4. Chapter 4

**January 12**

It was 0330 and she barely slept a wink. Being in such close proximity to the Russian made her feel uncomfortable; as if he could come and break into the room. She was shook lightly as she stared into the mirror. "I can do this… I can do this…" She repeated it as if it was a prayer.

She moved to the window, watching the snow fall on New York. It was different than the snow that General Winter brought to Russia. She hated the winters there. She looked at her fingers that had known frostbite more than once. She shuddered before trying to lie back down.

She turned to face her brother, who had chosen the bed next to the door should the larger nation try something. He felt responsible for all of it, she knew. Russia had dragged her to the wall to hear him trying to apologize over and over again, as he murmured all the propaganda in her ear. At first she believed him. Her heart becoming as cold as his winters to her brother, but slowly, as news came east, she stopped believing. America had done wonders to help strengthen the German into a financial power.

She closed her eyes at 0400 and slept until her brother woke her.

It was seven when the deep somber voice of her brother yanked her from the dreamless slumber. "The meeting is in two hours and you need to get ready to go if you're going to have time for breakfast." She wouldn't be able to eat, she knew it but she would try for the sake of Ludwig.

She rolled out of bed with a groan, going to the garment bag in the closet. Today everyone would find out the truth. Every single nation there, save for the three in the know, knew her as 'Prussia, the nation that built Germany' or as 'the army with a nation.'

Her pale fingers moved along the wool that she and France had selected to use to do this. This was her new uniform, and she was going into the harshest battle of her life. She dressed quickly discarding the jeans and bandages she wore the day before. She didn't want to show them her hand too early, after all.

Makeup and her hair would be next. It was still so short but she had figured out ways to make it look feminine, softening the appearance she usually held. She was stunning as she slipped on her heeled boots. "So what's the plan for breakfast, West?" She put her mask up, her painted lips pushed into a grin.

He was shocked as he saw her. He was wearing his own suit, and tie. He could barely believe this was the man, no woman that had raised him.

"I was just thinking here at the hotel, aber we might accidentally meet _him_." He frowned softly. He wanted his older sister to avoid her former jailer as much as possible. "We'll get McDonalds on the way, this will be your first time having it, Ja?"

She nodded softly. "That sounds quite awesome!" She grinned as she motioned for him to lead the way. Her former captor should be long gone by now. She hoped that America had conceded to make sure that she would be able to sit with her brother than with the other members of the former soviet bloc.

Quite fortunately there was no sign of him or his subordinates. She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands, "I can do this, Bruder."

He nodded and smiled at her. "Ja you can do this, Schwester."

She did actually manage to fight down an egg mcmuffin on their way to the meeting, arriving fifteen minutes before they were set to start. Unfortunately their means of concession of her sitting next to her brother was to seat them between Russia and America, her placard with the words 'East Germany' was directly between 'Russia' and 'West Germany' who was next to the 'United States.' She shook lightly as she looked at her brother. He nodded in understanding.

She was still technically a soviet state, in spite of the new found freedoms that she was starting to have; Though she would be as defiant as she could now that she was breaking free of him. She kept the mask in place even as she could feel it starting to slip. "Hey West, They obviously think that I am still part of the Warsaw Pact." Her voice still had nearly the annoying timbre that she had been known for though she did let her more natural tone ring through. It earned her a strange look from England as well as that kind of ghostly presence that most people didn't see but she definitely knew was there.

"You know you boys should take a picture, it would last longer. I'll even pose." She gave her best Marilyn Monroe pout and a wink, making Canada flush brightly and England look away.

She doffed her coat as she sat crossing her legs at the ankle as France had made sure she knew to do. France nodded his approval. Her brother sat beside her watching vigilant.

Hungary, who was talking to some of the others, looked over in a slight bit of confusion. She stalked over, glaring. "What do you think you're doing? That's Gilbert's…" She noted the red eyes and the soft white hair, and the fair skin she had maybe been a little jealous of.

Maria smirked slightly as she saw the realization cross her friend's face. Though there was a hint of shock as the Elizaveta grabbed her wrist. "Wait, Liz…"

"No, this isn't right!" She dragged the Prussian to the bathroom.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a man. Why are you pretending to be a woman… it's a sin!"

A soft sigh escaped the red-painted lips. "Liz… I've been pretending all along."

The brunette couldn't believe it. This was her first crush! How could Gilbert be a woman? "Prove it!"

The albino looked at her as if she was insane. "How, do you want me to take my underpants down?"

"Yes." Her voice held a matter of fact tone.

She sighed and motioned her friend over to the stall, obliging with a slight blush.

"B-B-But… Gilbert…" she stammered turning pale.

"Actually my name is Maria. I picked Gilbert." She said as she readjusted herself. "We have a meeting to be at, and we shouldn't be late. At least I can have you attest." She grinned again before leading the way to the conference room.

"I guess we're going to have to schedule girl time, then- bond." The woman smiled as she looked at her own frock. "And maybe you and Poland can help me pick out better clothes." She blushed.

"Yeah, didn't want to say… oomph" She hadn't been paying very much attention when she bumped into something sturdy. Her heart pounded as she looked up though she took a sigh of relief when the khaki slacks led up to a brown leather jacket. "Hallo, Al!"

"Sorry Gil." He gave a very American smile and picked the Prussian up in a hug. "Oh, hey. Umm… You've changed…" He furrowed his brow.

"Not really… I just kind of… umm… I've been this all along."

"Oh…" He lifted a brow. He thought a moment. "Well, that's cool. We should get to our places." He suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable.

Finally the Russian entered the room the shivering Baltics, who were apparently unaware of her secret, following behind. "Privyet." He held that usual creepy smile that was so much a part of him. She knew that was the face he wore when he was displeased.

She smirked as she watched him enter. "Guten Tag, Herr Russland, I just thought that since you were going to tell the world about me that I would at least prove you right." The fact that she used German instead of the Russian he had insisted upon was an insult to him as well. Every motion, hiding the fear and anger that he demanded from her, was a slap in his communist face.

He sat down beside her making sure that he was close enough to make her uncomfortable. It was then that her eyes fell upon Roderich, smiling as she caught the lilac eyes, memories of coffee and schnapps on his soft lips, ran through her mind as she took a deep breath.

Across the room he adjusted his glasses, he had been ignoring the uproar across the room. Being a neutral nation he was seated apart from the major powers and their subordinates. Finally he caught the rose colored eyes. His heart was pounding, the pale skin was flushed slightly. He could feel a soft smile crossing his lips as he remembered the taste of beer and wurst. Though, it was strange seeing the lipstick on his lips. He could feel jealousy sparking, thinking that _his_ Gilbert had been with a woman until he looked a little closer. He was dressed as a woman. He furrowed his brows as he heard her voice. "After all I am still your little rabbit- until October." The voice was sultry, he sounded so much like Marlene Dietrich, deeper than most women, but too feminine to be anything but a girl. And though she was talking to Russia, those deep red eyes kept falling on him.

He would have to speak with Gilbert after the meeting; which was at the moment being called to order.

**AN:** SO here is the updated version of chapter 4. I hope you like it mein lieblings.

On a side note there will be two more updates on this and two updates on America Sleeps before my hiatus in November.

Yep November is National Novel Writing Month so I will be working on my original work then.


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